Holiday. It’s a word I hardly hear since I’ve been working being journalist – jorunalist to-be indeed – these few months. And today, I got it, yes it is, holiday, which almost pass. (cry)..
And when the day off comes, I feel like it’s not such thing as the way it is. You know why it goes so? It’s simply because I spend all the time sleeping, taking a rest, and something like releasing stress that came up into my mind a week before.
Being in this kind of job makes me so selfish, ignorant, and even cruel. It’s like I don’t aware of the situation and people around me. What I think of everyday is just how to get the job done.
It was my mom who made me realize about this. Few days ago, she called me when I’d just woken up in the morning. As usual, at first she asked me how I was and I said I was alright. And then she asked me something that touched me and made me think of it even times.
“Where’ve you been? There’s been nothing I hear about you for long time? When will you come home?” asked her. To be honest, I needed much time to think of the answer. But then I said, “I’m here. Working. So busy, tired, and stuffs.” And she asked me back. “Do you often visit your brothers and sisters, how are they?” Again, I confused to answer this. But something I didn’t expect spoken out. “I don’t know, they also never keep in touch with me.” My mother silenced. Then, I turned to another topic.
Have been living for about two weeks at my new kosan (dorm), I just knew two names of, I guess, twenty names staying at the same dorm. I don’t know even who stay next to my dorm. I just recognize the faces. I think like, ok now I have no time to know you, may be next time. And this kind of thought alienate me. Me now is far different from me few years ago.
I really want to talk about this. But I don’t know who the one who will listen to what I’m going to say what in mind. I need someone who can make me out of this situation. And I’m still looking for him/her. Is there anyone?